my BIG movie role

You know if you think about it, Life is like a MOVIE. Scripts are written, actors audition, directors are choosen, settings arranged, lights, camera, ACTION!

Pause. What movie are you in right now?

What role are you playing?

half of who you are. Wait. Re-state: 3/4 of who you are (if you let it) are determined by the roles people project on you.

In the last year that I have been in Nigeria, I have acted as the following: Rebellious daughter, heartbroken ex-girlfriend, NewGirl at Work, Cool big sister, religious outcast, theIgboGirl, silent vixen, vengeful Ex, Workaholic, NewGirl in the city, blacksheep, Hopeless Romantic, theOtherwoman, Daddy's spoilt little girl, and the Crazy one.

some of these roles I auditioned for, the others I was just given the script and told to act (subconsiously of course).

The inspiration for this post came recently when I found myself acting a role that I did not particularly care for. and then I thought to myself "who is writing this script?" or better yet, "why am I acting this role", why am I not writing and acting out my own script???

They say you become who you say you are, but what happens when what others SAY about you becomes louder and stronger than what you SAY you are?

well what happens is you become a minor character in another person's movie, as opposed to becoming the LEAD in your own movie.

When I first moved to america, I found that acting like the immigrant girl who knew nothing, not only won sympathy but garnered me friends because everyone was glad to be my teacher!
and then in High-school, it was fun to play the ditzy girl who knew nothing, because with the laughter came the friends.

All this was fun up until one day when I made the terrible mistake of acting like myself. The loneliness of being me, made me realize that I had to either "quit the show" or "re-write" the script.

Come to think of it, most of my life I've been acting out other people's script, so much so that it is actually hard for me to switch off. If I don't make a conscious effort to address whatever emotion I am feeling, I find that I just (see below post) ACT.


Nothing in life is Random. People give you what they THINK you should take, it is now up to you to decide to TAKE (the role) or NOT (leave the script).

Inspiration

for the past couple of weeks, (or months, not sure) I've been feeling quite NUMB.



Wake up, bathe, get ready, go to work, come back, sleep. and do it all over again, with the exception of Sunday, when I mostly sleep.



NUMB



no feelings, no emotions, very little time to think.



life on auto-pilot.



just action.



I don't know when this started, I'm not one to let things just happen, being as analytical as I am. But this has been the case for a while.



up until I met a role model of mine. A woman I've been admiring for a while, probably 1/5 of the reason why I moved back to Nigeria.

She was/is a breath of fresh air, a cold drink in the desert.



Sometimes I sit at work and wonder what the hell I'm doing, and then assignments like this, just remind me that life and God/Universe's plan for me is much Bigger than what I have in mind.



I once heard this quote. 'If you are feeling sad, depressed, regardless of how you feel, you are only a THOUGHT away from true happiness. Change your thought'



and that is what meeting with this woman did for me.



While interviewing her, she said alot of memorably things, but the 4 that stuck with me were:



1. on CAREER/JOB

- As a young woman you have to know what it is you want. You have to know your passion. What keeps you up at night? what makes you wake up early in the morning? what do you always have the energy to do? THAT WHICH COMES TO YOU EFFORTLESSLY is your Passion. You should never be motivated by money, let your passion drive you.

2. On MARRIAGE
- Marriage is like a beautiful Rose with thorns. Even though the thorns are there, it still does not take away from the beauty of the Rose.
-Deciding on a spouse is something that needs to thoroughly thought of. You must be conscious when thinking of who you want your spouse to be. Remember that feelings like "oh I can't stop thinking of him, and he gives me butterflies" eventually goes when you have a new born, you're struggling to pay the bills, and you have not had a wink of sleep.

3. on LIFE
- Life is a journey, it is all about evolution. You become a different person with each new experience and encounter, and you must be open to the endless possbilities out there.

4. on FRIENDSHIP
-Surround yourself with people that share your same value. TEAR yourself away from those that don't, those that have no focus, aim, objective. Anyone that is not adding value to your life needs to be removed from your life.

She is Amazing.

After speaking with her, I think I am beginning to get some feelings back in my life :)

Her Uncle Shot HIM!

my DAD once told me a story about the wahala a friend of his went through in seeking his wife's hand in marriage.



so the GUY came from a "not well to do" home, infact he was BROKE, and the lady he wanted to marry was not, her family was not only financially stable, but they were known to be great scholars (luv dat word, lol). so anyways he came to ask for her hand in marriage, and the family rejected.

came again, and they said no...more like HELL NO!

came the third time, and the gurl's uncle gets a gun to chase him away, but unfortunately the guy went off (they say it was an accident..but u know) and hit the guy in the leg.

and guess WHAT?

after the DUDE was all healed...he CAME BACK AGAIN TO ASK for HER hand in marriage, this time THEY SAID YES!

and now they are married, and living happily ever after (*true story*)

this got me thinking..are there still guys like that out there, guys that are willing to put themselves on the LINE for the WOMAN they LOVE and believe IN?

tHIs year has not been a successful one in love, (who knows it's still OCTober, I still have time to change it), but I have not lost hope and faith that HE is coming.

The beauty of that story is not only that the guy risked his life for his wife, but that despite her family's objections, she wanted to be with him!

Why is it that our generation (young people) have become so LAZY. Don't mean to make a generalization, but most people just seem to SETTLE, when u try to ask; hey is ur heart really in this, they tell u that they are just being ADULTS.

If there is one thing I like in a MAN it is Persistence.

I have said this before, A man should go after his woman with the same vigor and determination, he has when going after his MONEY (business, work, etc). Not to equate women with MONEY. but ur WOMAN, the right woman is the perfect icing on a cake. It even says it in the Bible (not the icing on a cake part)

But this is not just a MAN thing, but a WOMAN thing as well, we have to carry and present ourselves in a way that justifies that kind of PERSISTENCE, why have most women (not excluding myself of course) become so ACCESSIBLE?

anyways, just wanted to share that beautiful story of how LOVE conquers all, (minus the gunshot of course, lol)

Is TIME really on ur Side?

When do you think you will die?

such a morbid question ya? but really, have u ever sat down and really thought about it. As I write it, the thought bothers me and I just want to ignore it. but Today I was reminded about the fragile nature of our existence.

I logged onto fbook, and randomly, absolutely randomly decided to click on a college buddy's profile only to discover that he had barely survived a fatal car accident, leaving him in critical condition.

I was shocked because I remember him updating his status maybe 3 days ago, and last I chked he was doing phenomenal things with his life.

It is all so shocking, how everything can come crumbling down in one day. 1 dAY.

I just keep thinking, really nothing is guaranteed, and as I am writing this I am deeply trying to register it to my subconscious because somedays I get so caught in petty things that I utter foolish statements and let whatever petty situation I'm in drown my joy that day.

I can think of a billion and 1 things that I have not done, and yet I find myself somedays either bitching about a problem or wallowing in self-pity.

1 Day it all goes. Everything. and there is nothing you can do about it.

Whenever these relaties hit me I just first Thank God for my existence and then try to think of how to change my view on life to live a RICH one. and by RICH I mean full of love, laughter and happiness. Because if you think about it, time is not something we have control over, so why dash it to negative (time-consuming) feelings.

Truth be told. to REALLY enjoy one's life, you have to live it with GUSTO! you can't be a coward.

U can't negate ur responsiblities today for tomorrow. and u can't mourn the mistakes of your past today. Because TIME is not on anyone's SIDE.

From the day we entered this world, a timer was set, and one day, that time will be up.

so How are u spending ur precious time?

NOBEL citizen

so I wake up this morning after my night of igniting the Renegade grenade (see below) to see that Pres. Obama has won the Nobel Prize.

mind you he is 48.

what an awesome way to wake up.

Regardless of what you think of his policies (I could give an ish). He has already achieved more than what most would in a life time (collectively).

I won't spend most of my post re-iterating the message of Obama-ology, but let me just give a clear brief summary.

"An immigrant of kenyan descent, with a terrorist's name, raised with no father, became the President of the United States. A country where slavery was legal, blacks had no right and mixed marriages were banned. and now he has gone on to win the Nobel Prize"

so tell me...is there such a concept as NEVER?

all I gotta say is:

1. There are two types of people in the world: Those that MAKE things happen, and those that LET things Happen.

2. We all have 24hrs in a day, the thing that distinguishes those that achieve from those that don't is how they spend those hours.


Enjoy ur Weekend!

xoxo

the Renegade grenade.

hi bloggers.

how now? :)

so i am on a high because i did something totally brave today, make that two.

i had the courage to erase someone that was a negative factor in my life for good. and i stood up to the 'rents during another infamous argument session.

MEN it felt great. I am so proud of myself. u never really know how strong you are till u overcome an obstacle. I guess thats wat obstacles are for.

I was talking to a friend the other day and I came to the conclusion that I will like to move to paris for sometime to learn the language and culture. I am devising a 5 yr plan that (with the grace of GOD) will give me the inspiration for all the fabulous things I want to do with my life.

Also i need to get out of nigeria for a while.

I LOVE My country but I have come to the conclusion that I Can no longer compromise my beliefs, and morality for so-called culture. Things need to change, and for me to bring about the nigeria I want to see, I need to come WITH it! so the plan is to take a break for a bit.

Things really need to change in this country, I was in a meeting when I heard this fab quote that basically summarizes the nature of most nigerians "We have come to idolize money and wealth that comes with little hardwork and sacrifice".

I have seen, heard, and experienced all kinds of ish that makes me wonder if i am absolutely bonkers for being such an IDEALIST. But the truth is that is me. and if I have to match ALONE to the beat of my own drums, so be it. But I won't lie, the loneliness of matching gets me, but the peace of mind from standing my ground is priceless.

I was listening to the radio the other day and the question of the day was "would you stay with your spouse if u found out his grandfather had commited a major crime?" my initial reaction is what da hell does my relationship with my man have to do with his grandfather?

so as the listeners called in, all u heard was: NO HOW CAN, he HIMSELF might be a CRIMINAL!!, OH NO GODFORBIDS, NO BE MY PORTION OHHHH!!, AHH HOW CAN I MARRY THE GRANDSON OF A THEIF.

Now I know it aint easy, but if u met someone, y'all dated for a while, u fell in-love, u now found out his grandfather did something horrible, will u honestly throw all dat AWAY?

I have said this time without number (esp. in my blog) but I will do everything in my pwr to be with the one I love.

It's amazing how EASY it is to become so complacent in life. Accepting, managing and making do of. IT is SOOO EASY.

WE have very few fighters, I mean think about it? are u doing what u really want to do? I made the decision to follow my career path, and yes its not easy, but AGAIN, the peace of mind within is priceless. But I do have my days......

DON'T SETTLE.

NEVER SETTLE!

I NEED to get this tattooed somewhere so I never forget.

My fellow bloggers, although the ROAD less travelled is thorny, dark and scary, it is worth it. pLEASE we all need to FIGHT FOR WHAT WE believe in.



ignite.

He is not coming anytime soon.

do u know that most adults spend their entire lifetime looking for the love that was withdrawn from childhood?

Whether you know it or not, how you love directly correlates to how you were loved.

I remember spending much of my teenage years seeking my parent's approval, it was the only thing that mattered. At that time it was such a big deal, i remember crying endlessly the days I would upset them or get yelled at, those times were rough. I had no sense of self, or at least the one I had was embedded in what they thought of me, and then one day I was fed up. I had enough. I didn't care.

It was such a liberating feeling, but instead of feeling empowered, I felt small and vulnerable. I felt like people could see through me and I just remember thinking "now who the hell am I", if I am not the sum of my responsibilities and accomplishments, then what am I?

and this was how I loved.

Spending every minute of my time trying to live up to what He thought I should be, and holding on for dear life because the emptiness from his departure was worse than my numb existence.

I think I've ever really loved one man, (my papa would make that 2) and I still love him.

I once read that regardless of what experience you presently undergo, you must not fight it(I think I blogged about it), just experience it, for you have to go through it to get to your next level.

Today it hit me. I am FALLING, (not in love) but in lost, and instead of allowing myself to fall into this unknown abyss of emotions, I have been flinging my arms and hitting everything and everyone in sight.

I am done dragging people into this unknown.

I am ready to Land, and it's going to hurt, but I am ready to see what's on the other side.